#I’m an ugly horrible grouchy old man

[klikandtuna]

A Christmas gift for a friend! She named her cat after the wizard 🔥 We also both have Merlin tattoos!

100% self-drafted, stitched 2-over-1 on 18-count Aida.

[honourablejester]

I’m rewatching bits of Disney’s The Sword in the Stone right now, because I got Merlin’s ‘Hockety Pockety Wockety Wack’ song stuck in my head (it’s actually called ‘Higitus Figitus’, it’s just one of those songs), and I’m remember how much I adore Merlin and Mim’s weird rivalry-slash-friendship. They’re amazing. Two curmudgeonly old magic users living in run-down shacks in the woods, having lethal playfights with each other.

(What else can you call the wizard duel when, at various points, Merlin almost asks Mim if she’s okay after he landed his fat walrus ass on her, Mim yells at Merlin that he wouldn’t dare when he’s going to ram her off a cliff from behind, both of them cheat gleefully at the end as if that was the entire point, and a victorious Merlin is gleefully nice to Mim after he’s infected her with a disease whose only cure is sunshine, which he knows for a fact she absolutely hates)

Like, Mim is evil, withers plants by touching them, tries to murder a kid, and ‘finds delight in the gruesome and grim’. Merlin is good, more or less, and spends his time trying to help people, even if as grumpily as possible. They’re opponents. But they’re also a perfectly matched pair of curmudgeonly old farts, about equally lethal to the crockery, equal in power and magic, call each other things like ‘bungler’, and spend all their time together trying to score points off each other.

Also, I just love this little point of comparison:

Merlin, being hit on by a squirrel: “There now, you see? I’m an ugly horrible grouchy old man!”

Mim, gleefully, showing her ‘beautiful’ form to Wart: “But it’s only skin deep, for zim zabrum BIM! I’M AN UGLY OLD CREEP!”

I’d love that, you know? Call it the asexual dream, but I’d love to be a grumpy old magic user, being gleefully ugly, living in cottage/tower full of books and crockery in the woods and every so often having a shapeshifting duel with my equally grumpy-and-asexual rival.

[brainrotmeta]

(jokes aside, i hope misha says something about the ending with jack and reforming heaven. THAT'S what i want to hear about. not the million and three things he's pretending dean and cas are doing in heaven when we know dean's spending quality we time cradling sam's face.)

Okay and this ask is where I'm going to be really grouchy about Despair. My opinion on it is generally: fantastic television. Peak comedy. I have not laughed so much in years. Possibly the best time I've ever had in SPN fandom. I could watch and laugh at the confession forever. The terrible acting on Misha's part. Jensen's low key horror at being in this situation. The editing. The music. I THINK IT'S POSSIBLE THAT THEY DIDN'T EVEN FILM THE GOD DAMN THING TOGETHER.

But in context of the narrative, I'm kinda of pissed. Castiel, why are you telling the man who has been low key/high key trying to kill your son for three years he's the most selfless and loving man in the world? No. Erase that.

Here's a big reason why Destiel became dull as dirt: after some point, they never did anyfuckthing with the tension between them. Cas does something, Dean calls him a baby, they have maybe an awkward moment of making up that does little, if anything, to address the underlining issues that put them at odds.

Meanwhile, Sam and Dean's different relationships with Jack affected Dean and Sam's relationship with one another. They fought about him. Dean's speech that Sam was going to be so damn sincere when he helped trick Jack into the box was horrifying. I actually think Dean should have killed Jack as opposed to Chuck, but I can appreciate that SPN doesn't wan to be as dark as I do (season four, my beloved).

And I think here's the big old reason why they couldn't have Dean and Castiel fight over Cas. There's a scene in season 15, where Dean asks Castiel, who is grieving the loss of Jack, how he's doing. He doesn't let Cas say a word before he's off to check up on Sam. Dean and Cas can't have a knock down, knuckle dragging, ugly nasty fight where Cas is furious that Dean's been so horrible to Jack and Dean is furious that Castiel doesn't see the same red flags as him where the lack of trust between them is brought to a boiling point because.

Dean. Doesn't. Care. Enough.

Look, he loves Castiel. But Dean shot Sam's friend (Amy) in cold blood right in front of her son because Dean fundamentally believes that monsters should be killed. He'll make an exception if he builds a relationship with the non human/magical person (Cas and Benny) or if he'd known them as human (Garth) or if Sam can convince him to stand down (Lenore, Rowena, Ruby to an extent) or if they're useful (Crowley) or if BuckLeming is writing (Oh Emma the Amazon).

Push comes to shove, he's going to either dump Castiel or pretend the issue isn't there. And if Castiel pushes, the extent of how one sided their relationship is, is laid bare. Castiel will move the earth for Dean, Dean might remember how he likes his tea.

Dean warms up to Jack because Jack saves Sam and because Sammy loves him.

Want to know why Twist and Shout is the most popular Destiel fic on ao3? It's a basic any two characters ship. The characters have nothing to do with Cas or Dean as they are in canon. Wincest most popular fic is harder to pin down because so much of was on LJ and the engagement has been lost to LJ purges, but a quick scan of ao3 shows leonidaslion has the most hits in Wincest. Now I do not like their fics. I'd actually rather read Twist and Shout than Bright Lights of Disturbia. But the former is based on a version of Sam and Dean that, while I think is a fundamental misreading of Sam, it's at least using canon as a jumping off point. Sam going darkside and his anger issues were there.

And if I didn't love Jack, I would just roll my eyes and move on like Cas, Dean, and Claire fanon fluff not really based on canon. But because I love Jack and his character and his relationships it's pretty jarring to see fans pretend that Dean is his dad and Sam's his neat uncle, when Sam and Jack's father/son relationship is such an important part of Jack's character (and a key part of later seasons Sam's character).

In conclusion, as much as I love laughing at Castiel's confession, I would delete it in an instant if Castiel's ending was centered on Jack. Or, at least if Cas' love confession stayed based on their canonical history (Dean changed everything for Cas) instead of nothing (Dean taught Cas how to love because he's the kindest most loving person on the planet).

[incorrect-magnus]

Martin: I can't believe you just did that!

Jon: There, you see? I'm a horrible, ugly, grouchy old man

[thecraftyfoxthewriterscorner]

Profile of a Main Character: Shrek

Hey writers,

Following up on my post from last week, 3 Tips for Creating a Memorable Main Character, I’ll do a character breakdown for a main character using those tips. I’ll use Shrek (I’ll be referring to the movie Shrek, since I haven’t read the book) for this character profile.

Main Character: Shrek 

Let’s take a quick look at Shrek’s name. At first glance, it seems like a made-up, interesting name to give a main character who happens to be an ogre: one syllable, harsh and odd-sounding, and unique. Once you’ve seen Shrek and gotten a glimpse of his character, there’s no one else who comes to mind when you say “Shrek.”

It’s not a traditional “real” name, but the origins of Shrek can be traced back to the Yiddish word “shreklekh” – which means awful, terrible, horrible in English – and also to the German word “schrecklich,” meaning dreadful.

While it’s not a requirement to create a unique, meaningful name for your main character, you should put some thought into choosing one. If you develop your MC properly, your readers should immediately be able to paint an accurate picture of who your MC is just by reading her name.

Now for the breakdown of Shrek’s character:

1) Know your MC’s core personality.

Shrek’s core personality:

Antisocial loner.

 Prefers to be alone because he’s considered to be a monster by others, and would rather skip the pain of rejection and betrayal by pushing people away before they can hurt him.

Has no desire to form relationships with other characters.

In short, the grumpy old man, get off my lawn type of character.

2) Set your MC’s motivation(s).

Shrek’s main motivations:

Main or Overarching motivation: Reclaim his swamp and kick out his unwanted guests (the other fairy tale creatures).

Secondary motivation: Talk to Lord Farquaad, who was responsible for the unwanted guests, and get him to relocate the fairy tale creatures elsewhere. Farquaad proposes a deal: he’ll give Shrek back his swamp if he rescues Princess Fiona and returns to Duloc with her.

Third motivation: Rescue Princess Fiona from the dragon-guarded tower and bring her back to Duloc so Farquaad can marry her.

Shrek achieves his main goal of reclaiming his swamp and solitude before the final act of the movie, Fiona’s wedding to Farquaad. He realizes that primary motivation isn’t what he wants after all, and this dissatisfaction – or lack of resolution – creates another motivation:

Fourth motivation: Stop Fiona from marrying Farquaad so he can marry her instead.

 3) Your MC’s relationships with other characters.

Here’s how an MC’s relationship with secondary characters can show core personality, motivations, and character transformation (or growth):

 Shrek and Donkey

Donkey is cast in the sidekick role, the nuisance turned bestie, but he’s not just a sidekick. He’s the first character in the movie that forces Shrek out of his comfort zone. At the beginning of the movie, no matter how hard Shrek tries to push Donkey away and scare him off, all of those attempts wash off Donkey’s back and he persistently trails after Shrek.

(Part of the reason Donkey is so persistent is because he admires Shrek’s core personality, and since Shrek’s intimidating, antisocial behavior isn’t one Donkey can mimic, he instead wants to stay close to him. The other part is that he’s lonely, and because Shrek is alone too, Donkey thinks Shrek feels the same. But I’m focusing on MCs for now, not secondary characters, so I won’t go further into Donkey’s character here.)

At the beginning of the movie, Donkey’s persistent desire to follow him serves as another motivation for Shrek to get the unwanted fairy tale creatures out of his swamp. Donkey is talkative and social, Shrek’s exact opposite in personality.

In the middle of the movie, Shrek’s developing friendship with Donkey helps his budding romantic relationship with Fiona. This development is also what makes the betrayal Shrek feels while eavesdropping on Fiona and Donkey in the windmill (the tail end of Fiona’s explanation of her curse to Donkey) all the more painful. It also makes Shrek’s regression to his initial state of being, the antisocial loner, understandable, if disappointing, and he successfully pushes both Fiona and Donkey away. [The misunderstanding between Shrek and Fiona the following morning, where they aren’t on the same page, is equally painful.]

And then finally, when Shrek’s moping around his swamp heartbroken and realizing he’s not happy achieving his original motivation (reclaiming his swamp and solitude), Donkey comes back. Donkey, who has a much better handle on his feelings and understands how to make and keep relationships with others, shows Shrek how a true friend behaves. (He does manipulate Shrek with his feelings for Fiona, but the result is the same – Shrek learns how to cultivate relationships better.)

Without Donkey, Shrek wouldn’t have found the courage (or the means of transportation) to crash Fiona’s wedding to Farquaad.

  Shrek and Fiona

To call back to the comparison Shrek makes between ogres and onions, if Shrek’s friendship with Donkey makes it through a few of his emotional walls (or layers), then his romantic relationship with Fiona goes several layers deeper.

Shrek is guarded with Fiona to start with, much as he is with other characters. He enters this relationship with his own biases of how Fiona should and will behave as a princess, which, combined with his grouchy, antisocial personality (in addition to being an ogre) gets them started on the wrong foot. He isn’t even the one who tries to smooth things over and try to find common ground. Fiona does this, after overhearing Shrek confess to Donkey that he’s tried to get along with other people, but ended up hurt instead; so he pushes people away before they can reject him.

While Fiona’s peace offering – making breakfast – doesn’t quite bridge the gap between her and Shrek, her impressive takedown of Monsieur Hood and his Merry Men does. Shrek discovers they have other things in common, like eating habits, lack of etiquette, inflating amphibians or frogs for balloons for fun, and slowly becomes more vulnerable as his attraction for Fiona grows.

Because Shrek exposes a deeper, more vulnerable part of himself to Fiona, it makes him more sensitive to her judgement. He is quick to jump to conclusions when he overhears her talk with Donkey in the windmill, and believes she thinks he’s a “hideous beast,” when she’s actually talking about herself.

This misunderstanding causes Shrek to revert to the grumpy, antisocial personality he had at the beginning of the movie, prior to this journey. He pushes Fiona away by having Farquaad pick her up, and he abandons Donkey.

In the final act, after Donkey knocks sense into Shrek, Shrek is willing to expose the vulnerable parts of himself to Fiona and admit that he loves her.

It’s important to note that not all relationships have to be healthy, or have a positive effect on a character. All relationships, good or bad, can drive your main character to change for the better, or for worse.

 Shrek and Farquaad

Farquaad is the antagonist of this story, and he brings out the worst in Shrek. Not just in the sense that he puts Shrek into situations where he’s forced to use violence in self-defense; Farquaad also forces Shrek to put up emotional barriers and fall back into his original grumpy, antisocial personality.

When Farquaad first sees Shrek, his reaction is to have the knights originally meant to compete against each other attack Shrek instead, by saying whoever kills him will win the honor of going to rescue Fiona. So Farquaad immediately attacks Shrek’s self-esteem – Shrek is, of course, grumpy and antisocial presumably because of some prior trauma related to behavior like Farquaad’s – and places Shrek in a situation where violence is the only action he can take.

After Shrek defeats all the knights, Farquaad decides to take advantage of Shrek’s physical abilities and his desire to relocate the fairy tale creatures off his swamp instead of killing him. They both intend to use each other for their own selfish desires. Farquaad wants to use Shrek to get his princess bride, and Shrek wants to use Farquaad to reclaim his swamp.

In the final act, when Shrek crashes Farquaad’s wedding to stop Fiona from marrying him, Farquaad acts as a foil to Shrek. Farquaad, who can loosely be considered handsome by traditional societal standards, reveals how ugly he is on the inside by his reaction to Fiona’s curse, while Shrek, considered to be an ugly monster (“a hideous beast”) loves Fiona for who she is on the inside, not because of her appearance. 

 Bring it all together: the before/after, how it started/how it’s going comparison.

The three tips I’ve suggested to help you create a memorable main character: knowing your MC’s core personality, setting your MC’s motivations, and exploring your MC’s relationships with other characters, help shape your MC’s growth over the course of the story.

Shrek’s overall transformation is this: antisocial loner  ->  good friend and lover.

The more obstacles and setbacks – either internal or external – your main character faces help raise the stakes, and therefore the tension, of the story as she tries to achieve her overall goal (or primary motivation). As you write, your MC should be able to reach a stage of satisfaction, an “Ah-ha!” moment when he or she has reached a successful, earned transformation. Even if it means that by reaching this “post-transformation” stage, your MC may not have achieved the primary or overall motivation that kicked off the story to begin with.

Shrek, for example, started his journey with the primary motivation of reclaiming his swamp and solitude. He ends up with a swamp inhabited with dozens of magical creatures, a donkey for a best friend, and a beautiful wife. And because we know that emotional transformation of his character is earned, we’re satisfied with that ending, even if Shrek didn’t achieve his primary motivation.

Feel free to share further insights to this post by reblogging it, or add a main character profile of your own! Please leave a reply or an ask if you have any questions. 

My next breakdown will be of a side character (from a TV show this time, who only appears in one episode), and I’ll also have a post a character map example that can help you visualize your main character’s relationships with others.

Happy writing!

- Leah

 P.S. I chose Shrek mainly because I was thinking of common fairy tale tropes, and the first that came to mind was “damsel in distress.” Which then got me thinking about stories that twist that particular trope. Fiona came to came to mind, because she’s a princess who is playing at being in distress; she could easily save herself, but chooses not to because of the preconceived, stereotypical expectations of what a princess is supposed to be capable of, and she desperately wants to fit into that mold… But that’s a different topic. That’s basically how I decided to focus on Shrek for this profile of a main character post. 

[batboy-mah]

Ya not ugly or horrible, but yeah, ya a grouchy old man often! /My/ grouchy old man! ❤

I'm all of this, but thank you~

[omniishambles]

     “There! Now you see? 

      I’m an ugly horrible grouchy old man!”

[bd-steelyfam]

We've all heard of standswap. But what about standswap-dadswap?

//So the dads and the SS!dads switch places, huh? This is such an interesting scenario! Will they get along with each other? Will everything go haywire? Will sadness happen?

//I was only able to fit the stoplight trio here because I don't have time to properly make up characters for Emperor, Osiris, and Bastet. I also used their stand names for the unnamed standswap characters for a placeholder.

Steely Dan <=> Deacon Blues

Deacon and Terunosuke will get along very well because they relate to each other (both of them had pretty fucked up backstories and have to hide their real, more mature personality behind a childish attitude).

And the same could be said for Illuso. Both of them spent most of their childhood being lonely because of their stand powers.

When Illuso talks about his teammates (he calls them best friends to avoid suspicion), Deacon remembers his old friends back in his SDC days. He probably sees himself in Illuso and feels a little melancholic.

Deacon and Gwess can get along too, as they have to fake a smile and carefree personality to make everyone else not worry about them.

Unlike Dan who is pretty sarcastic and sassy, Deacon speaks more honestly, as he despises people who aren't direct and honest about their words.

Alright. Enough of the sad shit. Deacon and Terunosuke occasionally read books together and tell each other about their specific interest in comics (the former is into American hero comic books, and the latter is into mangas and light novels).

Deacon would probably at some point tell them about his adventure from 1989. Then Illuso sighs and comments, "Darn. Just like Padre."

He likes to show them his proud machinery and inventions to the three, which of course amuse them because of how absurd they work.

"What does this thing do?"

"Oh! This bad baby right here lets you read while you sleep, write while you sleep, and eat while you sleep!"

"Huh"

Deacon and Terunosuke are the ultimate short depressing smartass solidarity.

Meanwhile Dan and Deacon's kids? Eh... could maybe count.

His personality made him hard to get along with them, especially Velare. At first, he can hardly relate to them (his backstory is plain and nothing really gutwrenching happened to him, unlike theirs and their father's).

But then, after some time, they start to warm up to him. Behind his catty attitude, he is actually a pretty nice and caring person (even though it isn't really that obvious because of the way he generally acts).

Velare is going to get along with Dan first, because he is a pretty patient person and can handle his new dad's (?) unfamiliar attitude.

Tojiko is probably be slightly annoyed by how sassy and snarky Dan is. Dan would just comment on his chuuni behavior just to annoy him even further.

Since Dan is pretty good with cooking, Prada would sometimes watch him do the kitchen work (even though she's just more mesmerized by the way the stove fire dances around the pan). He would try teaching her how to make simple dishes, even though it's reduced to a pile of ash by the end of the day.

Of course, Dan cooks godlike food. Which somehow reminds them of their father's....

Rubber Soul <=> Yellow Temperance

Unlike the loud and obnoxious Rubber Soul, Yellow Temperance is generally a well-mannered and elegant man. This makes the three kids a little taken aback because they're not used to the quieter and nicer version of their dad.

Since Yellow is skilled in singing (and acting) and Akira is good at playing his electric guitar, they both spend a lot of time together! Akira would sometimes show Yellow how to use his guitar, and in return he teaches him how to sing properly.

Like Dan, everytime Hazamada becomes annoyed and acts like an ass to him, Yellow would do things like making sassy remarks to annoy him even further.

One time Anne asks Yellow about himself, and then he tells her about his bizarre adventure from Singapore. She replies, with a monotone voice, "Wow. I've been there with my father, ya know."

"Wait, really kid?"

"Yeah. Was kinda wild."

Yellow can cook pretty well, unlike Rubber who is absolutely not allowed to touch anything in the kitchen.

Because Yellow "disappeared" for twelve years, his kids are more than happy to see him back again. There were tears and laughter too. Even Surface is crying.

.....except the "him" is Rubber Soul, a greasier and more irritating version of their father. He has no choice but to tag along and act like him.

The stoic and serious Surface doesn't like Rubber Soul at first. His annoying way of talking hurts his ears, but because he's "their father" he just ignored it.

Like father, like son is the best sentence to convey Red and Rubber soul. They both are loud and act all cocky, which makes Surface's life a living hell.

SS!Anne is no different either. She is used to Yellow's calmer and more composed personality, which makes her a little suspicious. Whenever Rubber did or say something stupid, she would just shake her head and say, "Wow. Dad's job must've been weighing on him pretty hard, huh?"

Either way, the kids are very relieved to see their "father" back home safely without a scratch. If only it would last forever...

Devo the Cursed <=> Ebony Devil

From the surface, Devo and Ebony share similar traits. From their ungodly amount of scars to long hair, both of them look the same. Their personality isn't that different either.

...which surprised Vittorio at first.

Because Ebony was separated from his son years ago, he saw this as his chance to be a better father. He'll spend as much time as he can with him, as Vittorio and his long-lost kid looks the same to him.

Related, Ebony has poor eyesight and probably thought that Vittorio is his kid because of their resemblance.

Ebony, half-crying and started to take off his tough guy shield: "My son.... I am sorry for causing trouble for both your mother and you..... I promise to become a better father from now on."

Vittorio, eating an entire can of spray cheese: "What"

You know that clip of a wrestler that broke a claw machine's glass and gives all of it's toys to a crying kid? That's him.

Being dead in 1988 makes Ebony not familiar with things like video games, so Vittorio is more than delighted to show him things in his game and take him for a small walk around his hometown.

"What is this small screen that you can open and close like a book?"

"Dad that's a computer. Do you hit your head on the kitchen counter again?"

"Computer? But the last time I saw them, they look bigger and wider than this."

"Hold on a second"

The boy sometimes tell Ebony about his team (which he refers to as friends), and Ebony is somehow reminded of his old friends.

"There's this really cute girl that I like, but she's sickly and I'm afraid if I somehow hurt her unintentionally"

"Can relate."

They watch soccer games, eat outside, and Vittorio introduces Ebony to more things. Just classic father and son bonding time.

Unfortunately for Dolly, he never had the chance to properly memorize his father's looks and true nature. His mother just said that Ebony is a horrible and cruel murderer, which makes his first meeting with Devo not so wonderful.

Not seeing his father since he was two, Dolly just thought that Devo is actually his father and acts grouchy and all angry at him.

"I despise you. Mom told me that you were a very evil and violent man. You must've done something very bad for mom to have left you-"

"Vittorio I swear to FUCKING GOD IF THIS IS ABOUT THAT TIME I REFUSED TO BUY YOU A HAPPY KIDS MEAL I'M GOING TO CUT OFF THOSE UGLY BANGS OF YOURS."

Then Devo realizes he wasn't talking to Vittorio. Which pisses Dolly even more because he thinks his own father forgot his name.

"Vittorio? VITTORIO??!! OH, DID YOU GOT HOOKED UP WITH ANOTHER WOMAN AND THOUGHT THAT YOUR BASTARD KID'S NAME IS FATHER FUCKING VITTORIO??!! I'M DOLLY DAGGER!!"

"DID YOU CHANGE YOUR NAME INTO YOUR SHITTY MMO'S USERNAME LIKE YOU SAID LAST TIME??!!"

Then of course, they get along really slowly. Everytime Devo wanted to ask Dolly about what just happened, Dolly curtly replies, "I don't know!"

He then gives up just takes Dolly outside and spend some time together with him to make the kid satisfied.

Devo just rolls with whatever this kid wants.

And then Dolly becomes more softer acting around "his father", because he himself wanted to spend some time together with him after a long time.

"Sorry for yelling at you, dad."

".....whatever you say."

By the end of the day, Dolly feels content about "his father" being back in his life. Even though he doesn't show it directly, he just wishes that he won't be gone like last time...

//So now. Who do you think deserves the best father of the year award?

[ambr0siusg]

that’s AMBROSIUS GAMAL walking down the street, the 36 year old, who looks like rami malek. here in apple peak, they are a shop-owner. some say he acts like merlin from the sword in the stone, since he can be ingenious, but also a little bit scatter-brained. — jen.

LOVE OF MY LIIIIIIIFE

exteriors

rami malek’s general demeanour à la ahkmenrah in night at the museum: the dark humour that he doesn’t know is dark and he also knows almost everything and speaks a lot of languages and can be super posh when he wants to be

he also dances wildly

will dance whenever there’s good music

and then ofc the freddie mercury voice with the “darlings” and the “look at me and ask if i care” kind of attitude to ppl who sass him

but ambrosius doesn’t let a lot of things faze him

he looks so wise, he’s got that thousand-mile gaze and thousand-watt smile and like how can you not love him

his family moved from egypt in the 70s, to APPLE PEAK actually, this is where his family lived for a few years before moving to new york for mr gamal’s new job !

he has a history with artie !!

his father is a hotel manager of one of the kim family’s hotels in manhattan

being about 10 years older than artie, when ambrosius was younger, he would babysit him and play with him sometimes, as the gamals lived in one of the suites of the hotel

however, after graduating high school, ambrosius practically disappeared as he went to study abroad

for university, he went overseas to Australia, seeking warmer climates (cue ambrosius wearing a lot of gaudy tourist shirts) and studied a bachelor of arts, and then his masters and a PhD in Humanities (man loves to study)

he owns a store: DR AFALLON’S (yes pronounced like ‘avalon’)

he plays ‘dr afallon’ while in the store

dresses like a dumbledore-ish wizard, though on halloween he likes to dress like dracula

its basically like ‘dr cerberus’ in the chilling adventures of sabrina: its a rare-book shop and has a little area for sitting down and eating/drinking, and then there’s a corner in the back for occult things

occult things are mainly to order, though he has tarot cards and stones and other artefacts on display. 

people can apply to work for him !! it’s quite a small store but it’s like a little family and very homey

he lives in a cottage in the woods! its in the outskirts of town, and he drives an old volkswagen beetle that’s a manual transmission and doesn’t rly go above 50mph 

he rly needs it to get fixed but he cant figure out mechanics that well, he just kinda talks to it and hopes that’ll be enough

what is technology ?? he LOVES it but it doesnt come naturally to him AT ALL

he misses his magic plates and objects bc they were his friends :(((

so he has names for all of his belongings

his house basically looks like the house in sword in the stone: books everywhere, knick-knacks and doodads everywhere

HE’S A HOARDER

he loves to remember everyone’s names

he also tutors sometimes and does the odd guest lecture on his specialisations (history, literatures, and architecture sometimes)

BELIEVES THAT EVERYONE SHOULD LEARN WHAT THEY WANT

“THE UNIVERSITY CURRICULUM IS TOO RESTRICTIVE”

likes to use his full name, but doesn’t mind it when people nickname him. he’ll always introduce himself as ambrosius tho hbgdkrjh

HE HAS ARCHIMEDES.

there’s just a very well-trained owl in the shop

no one asks questions about it

“oh ya thats archimedes” *annoyed hoot*

interiors

eccentric, shameless, just wants to have a good time tbh

gets tired a lot, considers himself an old man still

“there, you see?! i’m an ugly, horrible, grouchy old man!!”

he was super grouchy originally and he’s trying hard not to be grouchy now lmfao but dont annoy him or he’ll like threaten to CURSE you and you dont know if he’s joking or not

he has no magic ,but there’s the power of psychology

will not put up with anything that annoys him

REALLY A NICE GUY THO

HE REMEMBERS HIS PAST !!!! 

the ‘deal’ he made with whoever sent them all to this reality meant that he could remember his past and remember arthur and his court – as long as he didn’t interfere with mortal affairs

he’s doing his best to not do this

he’s like Gandalf: “I was BARELY involved” (aka he lowkey was)

he has a history with artie !!

his father is a hotel manager of one of the kim family’s hotels in manhattan

being about 10 years older than artie, when ambrosius was younger, he would babysit him and play with him sometimes, as the gamals lived in one of the suites of the hotel

however, after graduating high school, ambrosius practically disappeared as he went to study abroad

for university, he went overseas to Australia, seeking warmer climates (cue ambrosius wearing a lot of gaudy tourist shirts) and studied a bachelor of arts, and then his masters and a PhD in Humanities

MORE ABOUT REMEMBERING HIS PAST:

he feels like such an old man, he feels like he’s lived eternities and he remembers everything and sometimes it can get so overwhelming, which is why he always surrounds himself with as much new life as possible.

ambrosius loves the little trivial things, like board games and souvenirs and tiny musical instruments, because the little things make him happy and remind him why he’s still doing this

as powerful as he was, and as ancient as he is, he can get tired.

but he knows why he’s here: he must protect Arthur, he must protect his people, and the residents of apple peak have become his people too now.

he’s very much a neutral grey person – he’s not someone who believes in absolutes, he believes in the lessons of the past, the actions of the moment, and the possibilities of the future.

he remembers his ‘real’ past with a lot of love, but knows that they will probably never return. so he is super grateful for the history and life he’s had here -- and hopes that he can make the world a better place with the little he can do for it

languages he speaks: arabic (from his childhood here), cantonese, mandarin (learning), korean, japanese, french, spanish, ancient greek...the list goes on honestly...

[robinmagik]

Not A Minute Wasted (part 2)

A/N: HA-HA! I’m back with this story! I’m like in a love hate relationship with this story tbh. Anyway, thank you guys for waiting!!! There is going to be a third part of Not A Minute Wasted, so I hope you guys enjoy this one. I’ll post the other part later at nite or soon. Dunno but it WILL be posted today. If you want to be tagged just comment in the thingy, yknow :) 

Part One  Part Three  Final

Tags: @poemfreak306 

Recap: Y/n looks down the darkness and takes one step in and the clock closes. She cusses. Great, Bruce Wayne is like a low-key dungeon freak or worse he murders people and this is his murder dungeon. The worst thoughts were running through her mind. She got down the long stair case and to her surprise she sees a whole lotta shit; Robin costumes, old Batman costumes, bat-mobiles, and weapons. Then she sees the bat-computer. Okay so, Bruce is a huge Batman fan or Batman lives in Bruce’s basement, what? “Alfred, are you there?” It was Bruce’s voice but more deeper and rougher. 

“What the fu—’’

“Oh dear,” Alfred gasps. 

Y/n turns around, looking at him with wide eyes and a gaped mouth. 

“Alfred.” Batman repeats. 

“Miss Y/n, there is a perfectly good explication for this.”

“I don’t think so,” She says. “OooooooooooohhhhhmyGod! Ohhohohohoho God!”

“If you give me a moment, I will try my best to answer your questions.” He rushes to the bat computer. There was no way out of this. It was practically too late to drug her and make her believe it was a dream. He responds. “Yes, Master Bruce?”

“Prepare some chamomile tea and sandwiches.”

“I take it patrol went well?”

“Yes, it did.” He says. “Y/n is still sleeping?”

“Oh no, she is very much wide awake.” Alfred emphasizes. He glances at her to see that Y/n is still with the face of shock. “I must apologize, Master Bruce but she knows.”

“Knows what, Pennyworth? You have to be less vague.” Damian says. 

“What’s Damian doing there?!” Y/n finally spoke—more like shouted. 

Silence. 

“Hello?!” Y/n slams her fist on the button. “No me vas a respondar o que?!”

“Alfr—“

“Oh, no, papi! He’s soooo not gonna save you now!” She laughs a little bit too manically. She is practically loosing her mind. How wouldn’t?! 

Batman grunts, he clears his throat, knowing that he very much fucked up or at least the universe did but he didn’t believe in that type of stuff. He fucked up. Somehow. And this fuck up does not benefit him at all.

“We’ll talk when we get home.” He says, his voice didn’t show how rattled he was. He hangs up and she tries to get him back but nothing. 

She sighs, dropping her head in defeat. “I wanna go for a ride.” 

“Miss Y/n why don’t we go into the kitchen. I’ll make you some lavender tea, yes?”

She looks up and crosses her arms across her chest. For a moment she hesitates and then agrees with a nod. Alfred was still Alfred, nothing has changed. Bruce is Batman and Damian…who was—Robin. That makes sense. It all started making sense. She didn’t know what to think but she knew what she felt; turned on and a little bit worried for Bruce’s well being, not only that but Damian too. He’s just a kid after all. 

She sits on the counter, Alfred doesn’t tell her to sit on a chair this time, and she just watches him prepare tea and sandwiches. 

“Isn’t it bad to eat late at night?” She asks. 

She is a bit more calmer now. He smiles softly and nods; “Yes but you know how Master Bruce is. Quiet stubborn.”

“Very.” She chuckles. 

There was silence again. The scent of chamomile and lavender help ease the tension. 

“Is—being Batman is…dangerous business, huh?” She asks. “No wonder he’s got all those scars on that body of his. Idiot told me that he’s had ridiculous accidents like golfing accidents and that he’s just clumsy.”

Alfred hands her the cup of lavender tea. 

“Thanks. And I guess him being Batman makes sense. His eyes are too intense to be a dumb, playboy billionaire. They give him away.” She continues talking. “I’m not mad at him. I still like him as Bruce Wayne or Batman or whoever he is. I like him.”

“And here I thought you would’ve broken up with him, Miss Y/n.”

She gasps dramatically and pretends to be offended. “Alfred! Then you don’t know me that well!” Then she giggles. “Hey, I have my own secret nights in Gotham too. Except that…Bruce knows those nights. He even came to watch.”

“Then you should ask him to watch those nights of his. Behind the scenes, of course.”

“Of course. If he lets me stay, y’know, now that I know.” 

The roar of the engine bounces off the walls of the cave. Surprisingly enough to Y/n the bats didn’t stir. Now, when Batman got off that bat mobile, she came this close to pounce on him and dragging him to the bedroom in cowl and all. Dear God, she began, thank you? Her voice cracks within her thoughts. Then there was Damian, the cutest Robin of them all, glaring a hole into her head, boy, did that kid hate her. She shrugs to herself and turns back to Batman who was walking towards her getting ready to explain himself but she rushed up to him and kissed his lips. 

“I’ll be upstairs, Batman.” She grins. 

When she was gone, he glances at Alfred who smiles at him. 

“It is rude to keep a lady waiting, Master Bruce. Have I taught you nothing?”

That was a fateful night. He didn’t eat his sandwich but he sure as shit ate her pussy. After that they had a long conversation, well, not too long. Bruce may invade your privacy but not the other way around. There was a whole Bat-family behind him despite the fact that he says; ‘I work alone,’ in that Batman voice. He’s a loner who can’t deal with loneliness. 

Y/n loves this man who is full of contradictions. Though, he knows that such a happy relationship doesn’t last, at least not for him. Bruce is always prepared for the bad things to come, always kept an eye on her whenever she went out late at night or when she worked at the club. This overwhelmed Y/n so she would lash out at him like a child and then break up with him and then the next day or so she’d run back to him. And much to his displeasure, he waited. He didn’t know why he waited. Bruce didn’t like to be pulled back and forth. It was either black or white. We’re done or we’re together. That’s it. But with her, he wanted to see where this ended because it seemed like it would never end. He was never going to say it—he is bad at communication—but he could feel himself fall for her more and more everyday and he even tried his best to hide it from himself. Though she is complicated and he does love a challenge. 

There were those moments when he has those grouchy asshole days—its everyday but there are worse days—and it made the tension between them hot and ugly. A day like that would be hell at the manor. 

She wasn’t living with him despite the fact that he asked her to. She said no and that was that. Though she stayed over mostly even on his bad days. Y/n would make sure that if an argument was going to start, Damian was nowhere to be found. She couldn’t argue with Bruce with Damian there. Her parents never fought in front of her so why would she do that to his kid? 

She came into his office and sat on his desk with her legs crossed over and a magazine in her hand. 

“According to this survey, most people agree you are, in fact, a gigantic asshole.” Y/n said. 

Bruce grunted. There was glaring but a sexual tension that could be felt a mile away. He took her right then and there and she’d giggle, knowing that she riled him up. 

Angry sex was common yet he was delicate somehow. He would sneak in a soft kiss or two before hungrily eating her up. Either way, she’d take him away from whatever was troubling his mind and make him take a bubble bath with her. He’d rest on her chest as she washed his hair.

“Why do you put up with me?” She hums as gently massages his scalp. “I’m a horrible mess. If you were like any other man, you’d be crying by now because I’m so horrible. I’m so mean.”

“I’ve seen horrible every night, Y/n. You don’t begin to measure up to it.”

“Yeah, I know but I mean like horrible girl standard? I guess?” She didn’t know how to put it. 

“Hmm, yeah, I’d say you’re a pretty horrible girl.” 

“Hey! You’re not supposed to agree.” She pouts. 

He chuckles. “And you know, I’m not like any other man but even so, no one can handle you.”

“Guess you hate that. After all, you are a bit of a control freak.” She paused and then glanced at him with a mischievous grin. “Do I scare you?” 

“No.” 

“Liar.” She whispers into his hair.

He kissed her hand and they rest there for a while until it was time to get out because their skin would get wrinkly. There were mornings where she laid in bed naked and he was in a suit getting ready for a meeting after his last nights work. There was no point in begging him to stay, to stop overworking himself because then both of their tempers would get the best of them. It was obvious they didn’t work well together but they made it work. Y/n was as frustrating as he was but not as naive. Bruce would kiss her bare shoulder and she’d kiss his chin and then he left. She looks at the time on her phone, two hours before work, she’ll take his motorcycle and make it in time. 

Except, this was a bad morning though. Her emotions were everywhere and if you’d look at her in anyway type of way, she’d cry. Bruce left. Y/n was on the bed, naked, the warm sunlight danced across her skin, and she sniffled. She didn’t want to go to work. Maybe becoming his wife wouldn’t be so bad, she thought. No, that’d be a horrible marriage because I’m a horrible girl. And he’s a good person. He’s such a good person. Y/n began to touch herself. Bruce is so good. Oh, Bruce. Please, punish me. I’ve been a bad girl. Her fingers slipped in and she began to pump her fingers in and out of her wet pussy. I love y—Her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she came. She moaned into the pillow, her body went limp, and she fell asleep for twenty minutes. Y/n was still sad. Masterbating didn’t take away that sadness that was bubbling in the pit of her stomach. 

She drags herself out of bed, took a shower, got dressed, and slowly walked down the long halls. 

Damian is in a black turtle neck and gray slacks. He looked a lot like his father but way more adorable. 

“Morning.” She says softly. 

“L/n.” He states. “We have to speak.”

“Hm? ‘Bout?” She walks into the kitchen and pours herself a cup of orange juice.

“My father clearly likes you and you him.”

“Yes, we do.”

“Yet you and him fight a lot. I do not think that is good for father nor for you.” He is slowly getting to the point. “It’s not my business what happens but because my father’s well being—oh.”

He stops dead in his tracks when he sees tears forming in her eyes. They rolled down her cheeks and she begins to cry.

“What?” She whispers. “Y-you’ve heard us fight?”

“Y-yes…the manor may be large but it isn’t difficult to avoid you both.” 

“I’m so sorry, Damian. I didn’t mean for you to hear us,”

“That’s not…please stop crying, L/n.” He didn’t know what to do.

“Excuse me.” She sniffles. “W-we’ll continue this conversation…I just gotta…go.” 

Tim was going to greet her but she passes by quickly. He turns to glare at Damian who was confused himself.

“What did you do?”

“Nothing, Drake. Excuse me.” 

Tim is left alone in the kitchen with an empty cup in his hand. 

“What in the hell?”

*Kill Bill sirens play* What will happen? Will Damian make her cry even more? Will his father aka Bruce Wayne aka Batman beat his ass for making his girlfriend cry? Will Tim Drake have his cup of coffee in peace for once? Who knows? Until next time....which will be soon.

[uglyhorriblegrouchyoldman]

Thoughts & prayers

By now, you know that Donald Trump has tested positive for COVID-19.

My best wishes go out to him and Melania (who, Mr. Trump, is your wife first, and #FLOTUS only by association).  I hope he has a speedy recovery.  No sarcasm, no cynicism.  This is a genuine expression of concern for his condition.

Being an ugly, horrible, grouchy old man, of course, there’s always an ulterior motive.

Consider what happens if our friend the Orange Fever were to kick the bucket--or even merely to become incapable to the point he’s unable to continue the duties of the presidency.  We’d wind up with Mike Pence in charge.  

And you know what?  I’m inclined to be less scared of the cackling, obviously evil villain than the quiet, industrious bureaucrat.  

The villain is obviously bad for you, and proclaims his affiliations and intent at every opportunity.  He’s a disease, and you can (eventually) convince people to band together to find a cure.

The bureaucrat on the other hand looks innocuous and might even sound sympathetic.  Will he help you?  Of course not.  But it’s not his fault.  That’s the way it is.  The world is unfair.  He’s just doing his job.  It is what is.  Evil becomes normal, and good slips further out of reach.

I think Pence is a much better human being than Donald Trump.  He’s capable of subtlety, listens to his advisors, and can conduct himself in a presidential manner.  And yet, combine that with the lack of respect for rule of law in the Trump administration, and you get a dangerous combination.

Perhaps Pence might get the pandemic under control in the United States, project a more palatable image of America to the world, and give the markets a boost. 

But he won’t repair our crumbling institutions so long as their dysfunction works for his purposes.  He won’t ask us to cure our societal ills so long as his supporters depend on them.  

He’d put a polite, non-threatening, electable face on all the policies that Trump championed.  The world’s seen that before, and any length of time--a few months, four years, or gods forbid, eight--is too long for America to bear it.

Get well soon, Mr. Trump.  We’ll see our nation restored and justice done.

[rp-meme-central]

Disney’s The Sword in the Stone - sentence starters

1. “S/he’s a regular little grasshopper, isn’t s/he? Look at him/her go.” 

2. “Don’t tell me you’re going in there. Why, it’s swarming with wolves.” 

3. “S/he’s alive! And s/he talks.” 

4. “That won’t be invented for hundreds of years.” 

5. “I’m training to be a squire. I’m learning the rules of combat, and swordsmanship, and jousting, and horsemanship.”  

6. “Very well. We’ll pack and be on our way.” 

7. “What a way to pack.” 

8. “How else would you get all this stuff into one suitcase, I’d like to know?” 

9. “Don’t you get any foolish ideas that magic will solve all your problems. Because it won’t.” 

10. “What’s the big idea of gallivanting off into the woods and worrying the living daylights out of everybody?” 

11. “The name is _____, and I happen to be the world’s most powerful wizard.” 

12. “I’m gone, but then I am not gone. So if I do leave, you can never be sure that I am gone.” 

13. “What in thunder is a monster like that doing in the moat?” 

14. S/he only wants rules so s/he can break them.”  

15. “I swallowed a bug!” 

16. “It’s up to you how far you’ll go. If you don’t try you’ll never know.” 

17. “There! You see? I’m a ugly, horrible, grouchy old wo/man.” 

18. “The kitchen! It’s under an evil spell! It’s bewitched!” 

19. “You call washing dishes and sweeping floors a work of evil?” 

20. “Just because you can’t understand something, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong.” 

21. “I’m sorry I spoiled everything. I know that trip meant a great deal to you.” 

22. “I have nothing to do with your futuristic fiddle-faddle. You know that.” 

23. “Now, to start off, I want you to read these books.” 

24. “Man’ll fly alright... like a rock!” 

25. “I’ve always dreamed about flying. That I was a bird, and that I could go sailing all over the sky, high above everything.” 

26. “Flying is not merely some crude mechanical process. It is a delicate art.” 

27. “I find delight in the gruesome and grim.” 

28. “Black sorcery is my dish of tea. It comes easy to me.” 

29. “I hate sunshine! I hate horrible, wholesome sunshine!”

30. “You were really great, _____, but you could have been killed.”

31. “___ the king/queen? What a dreadful thought.” 

32. “And I thought you were going to amount to something. I thought you had a few brains!” 

33. “What’ll I do? ____’s got to have a sword.” 

34. “I can’t be a king/queen, ____. I don’t know anything about ruling a country.” 

35. “I’m in an awful pickle. I’m king/queen!” 

36. “That big fish almost swallowed me, and ______, s/he saved me!” 

37. “S/he’s either out of his/her head, or there’s something mighty fishy going on around here.” 

38. “No one will know the difference. Who cares as long as the work gets done?” 

39. “You’re on your own, ____. I’m afraid magic can’t solve this problem.” 

40. “How do you ever expect to amount to anything without an education, I’d like to know?”     

[suzypfonne]

Look at my talented friend's art! Look!

A Christmas gift for a friend! She named her cat after the wizard 🔥 We also both have Merlin tattoos!

100% self-drafted, stitched 2-over-1 on 18-count Aida.